Episode 58
Is it possible to Love Everyone?
How can I say I love you to somebody I have never met? Because your suffering is the same as my suffering, and once you see that there is nothing else to say.
Your hopes and your dreams are mine with the details swapped. If you want to understand my suffering, look at your own. That is what loving yourself actually means, because once you accept that suffering is part of you, you stop needing other people to be different. Some have built walls out of fear, and it is harder to see in them. It is still there.
One thing to try: Look at one person who irritates you and find the bit of their suffering you recognise.
In this episode
- (0:05) How can I look up and say I love you?
- (2:37) Your suffering is the same as mine
- (5:04) Want to understand my suffering? Look at your own
- (8:02) This is what learning to love yourself means
- (10:09) You have probably been where they are, differently
- (12:09) The walls people build out of fear
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Steven
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Transcript
Hey, welcome to Stillness in the Storms. I'm Steven Webb, your host. And I want to talk about how I
Steven Webb:can look up and say I love you. How can I look up and say I love you to someone
Steven Webb:that is listening to this podcast and I don't know you.
Steven Webb:And that's what I'm going to talk about in today's podcast, because I even answer on my emails with much
Steven Webb:love.
Steven Webb:and that's something that has been alien to me all my life. But I do it now. Why do I
Steven Webb:do it? And how can I say I love you to a complete stranger? That's the topic of today's podcast.
Steven Webb:So I come from a family that didn't really say I love you. You know, we didn't hug much, and
Steven Webb:I don't think I've ever said I love you to my mum, even to this day. And I've been talking
Steven Webb:about this to some of my friends online and some people that have been following me, and I follow them
Steven Webb:for a long time and we've become good friends and I've said to them many times that I'm going to
Steven Webb:go and tell my mum I love her, and I haven't because there's some resistance there yet. On a
Steven Webb:podcast, I can say to you that I love you. I can reply to an email to someone I barely
Steven Webb:know, much love, and someone that comes on my life. I can sign off my life saying, I love you.
Steven Webb:Am I being genuine? Am I. Am I really loving that person? Well, we'll all have our own
Steven Webb:shadows and projections about love and what love is and things like that. Let me explain one thing that I've
Steven Webb:learned, and it's something that's given me a lot more freedom, and that is I do
Steven Webb:love you.
Steven Webb:And we've got many things in common. Let me guess. You want to be happy. You want to reduce your
Steven Webb:suffering. You want to have more freedom in your life. You want to be able to do more of what
Steven Webb:you want to do when you want to do it. You want to be healthier and you want the suffering
Steven Webb:of others to reduce. You want less enemies. Have I done some kind of Jedi mind trick on you? No,
Steven Webb:of course I haven't. The
Steven Webb:reason why I know these things is because you're me and I'm you.
Steven Webb:Your suffering is the same as my suffering. Your hopes and dreams are the same as mine. Yes, through experiences,
Steven Webb:we've got a little differences on what happiness means and what it means to reduce suffering and the kind of
Steven Webb:things we want to do.
Steven Webb:My happiness is not lying On a beach in another country for two weeks on a holiday once a year,
Steven Webb:I like to just walk along a river and just enjoy the birds and the singing. That makes me happy.
Steven Webb:So we have differences. We have different films we watch, we have different preferences of books and what we do
Steven Webb:for hobbies.
Steven Webb:But the fact that we want to reduce our suffering, the fact that we want to open our hearts and
Steven Webb:we want to feel this freedom, means we're no different. So when I say I love you, what I'm
Steven Webb:saying is I recognise myself in you. I recognise that your struggles, albeit they may come from a different
Steven Webb:place, your desires may go towards a different thing, but the suffering is the same. If
Steven Webb:we both. If you split up in a relationship where you lose someone, you grieve and you suffer the same
Steven Webb:as I do. We bleed in the same way. It doesn't matter how old we are, it doesn't matter
Steven Webb:what. The thing that caused us to suffer, our aspirations and all are pretty much the same.
Steven Webb:So yeah I I do love you. So when I say that, I mean it, because I'm looking at the
Steven Webb:core of the essence of the foundations of who we are. That
Steven Webb:individual that hasn't got all the protections of all of the thoughts and opinions and beliefs and the groups
Steven Webb:and the tribes and the friends it's that person that's alone, that just has the desire
Steven Webb:to be content and happy and have less suffering. That's
Steven Webb:who I love. Because I'm learning to love that person in me,
Steven Webb:that raw person underneath everything in me. And what's that look like? You know what that person looks
Steven Webb:like in me?
Steven Webb:It looks exactly like you. It really does.
Steven Webb:So if you want to understand my suffering, have a look at your own. If you want to
Steven Webb:understand my desires and what it means to be happy for me and how it feels. How does it feel
Steven Webb:for you? And that's when we start looking at each other and recognise that we're all the same.
Steven Webb:You know, whether you're fighting in a war for something that you believe in, or whether or not you're
Steven Webb:fighting uh ecological war to improve the earth, and whether you're trying to get rid of plastic or whatever
Steven Webb:you're doing on a daily basis,
Steven Webb:you're still fighting a very similar battle. When you take away what the actual beliefs and the
Steven Webb:desires and the outcomes, when you take away all those things, we're pretty much fighting the same thing. We want
Steven Webb:to achieve something. We want to have hope. We want to improve the world in some way. And
Steven Webb:I say this in a warped way because it doesn't fit My thinking. But
Steven Webb:even the person that does some of the most dreadful things believes they're improving the world. Think about that for
Steven Webb:a moment. I'm not saying I agree with the actions, of course I don't.
Steven Webb:But they are still believing they're trying to improve the world. And that's what we're all doing. So that's why
Steven Webb:I can look up and say, I love you. Thank you.
Steven Webb:Get to the core of who you are and learn to love the core of who you are. Because when
Steven Webb:you learn to love that,
Steven Webb:you'll be able to see that in everybody else. You meet everybody, even the people you don't ever meet, you
Steven Webb:will recognise that same core value and belief. Even on the opposite sides of the political spectrum,
Steven Webb:the opposite sides of the religious spectrum. You'll recognise that we aren't that much different after all.
Steven Webb:We all bleed. We all have the same organs inside, things like that. We all recognise that on a very
Steven Webb:physical sense. But we actually have the same fundamental desires and beliefs
Steven Webb:and griefs and pain and suffering. I guess what I'm trying to say is, in my own.
Steven Webb:In my own gibbering way, is that below all the opinions and beliefs,
Steven Webb:below the desires for objects and successes and everything like that,
Steven Webb:look at the fundamental core of what drives those things, and you'll recognise everybody
Steven Webb:else on the planet is you, and you are everybody else on the planet.
Steven Webb:And this is what it means by learn to love yourself. Because when you love yourself and you start to
Steven Webb:recognise that your suffering is part of who you are, and the. The desire to reduce that suffering is also
Steven Webb:part of who you are and the desire to love and be loved. When you recognise those things in everybody
Steven Webb:else, you see everybody else as you.
Steven Webb:Because everybody else is. You
Steven Webb:know, we just may wear different clothes, we may have different thoughts. We may have got to different places in
Steven Webb:different ways through different experiences in life
Steven Webb:But the things that hold us together. The roots of trees are the same. They
Steven Webb:do the same thing. They may look different, they may have different structures to them, but they're doing the same
Steven Webb:thing. So what Your foundational core values of who you are.
Steven Webb:The deeper you look, you'll realise that everybody has the same ones, but we often forget about them. We often
Steven Webb:judge people on their actions, we judge people on their mistakes, and we judge people on what they want to
Steven Webb:do to be happy. And just because it's not what you want to do to be happy, they must be
Steven Webb:wrong or they must be different to you. They're not different. They're just learning to be they're learning to improve
Steven Webb:their life in this moment. And as Carl Jung says, even the rotten potato in the basement shoots towards the
Steven Webb:light. You know, someone that is trying to avoid life through substances, alcohol or drugs or something like that,
Steven Webb:they're just trying to improve their lives. So no matter what where we are, no matter what our starting point
Steven Webb:is, if you take a snapshot of anybody's life right now, we all just want to be a little happier,
Steven Webb:or we want to have a little less suffering, or we want to have someone to understand us and listen
Steven Webb:to us.
Steven Webb:And even if you're not where that person is right now, you've probably been there. And it
Steven Webb:may be in different circumstances, but if you really dig deep beyond the actual what is actually going on,
Steven Webb:like, somebody may be using drugs to avoid life, you may use Netflix to
Steven Webb:avoid life. You know, on. On a judgmental thing, you could say one's worse than the other, but really they're
Steven Webb:the same thing. You're just trying to improve your life in that moment. What am I going to do right
Steven Webb:now? Well, I'm gonna have
Steven Webb:this drink, or I'm gonna watch Netflix. We're just trying to improve our lives right this moment. So when I
Steven Webb:say I love you, I love you, because you're doing the same as what I'm doing, I'm doing the same
Steven Webb:as what you're doing. And we are all in this together. And when we realise that we'll stop fighting, we'll
Steven Webb:stop making enemies out of each other, we'll stop judging each other based on the actions,
Steven Webb:and we'll open our hearts to each other based on who we are behind the actions of
Steven Webb:who we are. Fundamentally, at the core of who we are, if you sit in meditation and you go deeper
Steven Webb:and deeper and
Steven Webb:you take away the opinions and beliefs inside your mind and the thoughts and the emotions and all that, you're
Steven Webb:left with a deep caring. You
Steven Webb:know, the first thing that arises out of emptiness is a deep caring and a desire, a
Steven Webb:desire to improve our lives, a desire to be happier, to love more, to be loved more. If that's a
Steven Webb:crime, to want to be loved more, love more, or open our hearts, then everybody on earth is guilty. I'm
Steven Webb:really sure of that, even if it's hard to recognise it in others. Some people have built up so many
Steven Webb:walls and barriers, and they've done that out of fear. Well, show me a person that doesn't fear something.
Steven Webb:Show
Steven Webb:me a person that doesn't fear being hurt or fear suffering more or fear being ill or something. Like that.
Steven Webb:So we're all the same. We're all the same fundamentally below our
Steven Webb:opinions and beliefs and our stories and our egos. So that's why when I say at the end of my
Steven Webb:life, or when I say I love you, I
Steven Webb:can say that because I recognise myself in you.
Steven Webb:We're not separate people.
Steven Webb:We're just maybe slightly separate in where we are what we're desiring and the stories that we're making up in
Steven Webb:our minds. That's all. So that's my podcast for this week and I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope
Steven Webb:if it resonated with you in any way, let me know in the review or the comments. If it makes
Steven Webb:sense, if it makes you think that you can love a little more, you can open up. Do you recognise
Steven Webb:yourself in others? Just spend the next week or so just whoever you come across, see if you can
Steven Webb:recognise yourself in them.
Steven Webb:Because when you truly do, it will change your life and you will end up a lot happier.
Steven Webb:Because you'll end up with no enemies. You'll end up with a lot more understanding, compassion.
Steven Webb:It's not empathy. It's beyond empathy. It's deeper than empathy. You'll end up with understanding and compassion. And that's the
Steven Webb:way we improve the world. That's the way we lift the world. When
Steven Webb:we take away the stories and all the thoughts of desires and aversions and all those things, life just gets
Steven Webb:a little better. A lot better. Amazingly better. Take care guys. Head over to my website and you can download
Steven Webb:the five Simple Practices for Inner Peace. It's a small little book I wrote, StevenWebb.com
Steven Webb:and if you want to book in for a coffee with me, just a 15 minute coffee, it's completely free,
Steven Webb:I don't charge or anything and I've got nothing to sell. You
Steven Webb:just head over to my website, click on the Book of coffee and
Steven Webb:StevenWebb.com also I have another podcast, Inner Peace Meditations Podcast. I will
Steven Webb:put a link in the show notes underneath this podcast which I just upload my meditations. It's
Steven Webb:quite simple. It's just Inner Peace meditations. Take care guys. I love you and namaste.
