Episode 58

Is it possible to Love Everyone?

How can I say I love you to somebody I have never met? Because your suffering is the same as my suffering, and once you see that there is nothing else to say.

Your hopes and your dreams are mine with the details swapped. If you want to understand my suffering, look at your own. That is what loving yourself actually means, because once you accept that suffering is part of you, you stop needing other people to be different. Some have built walls out of fear, and it is harder to see in them. It is still there.

One thing to try: Look at one person who irritates you and find the bit of their suffering you recognise.

In this episode

  • (0:05) How can I look up and say I love you?
  • (2:37) Your suffering is the same as mine
  • (5:04) Want to understand my suffering? Look at your own
  • (8:02) This is what learning to love yourself means
  • (10:09) You have probably been where they are, differently
  • (12:09) The walls people build out of fear

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Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

Transcript
Steven Webb:

Hey, welcome to Stillness in the Storms. I'm Steven Webb, your host. And I want to talk about how I

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can look up and say I love you. How can I look up and say I love you to someone

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that is listening to this podcast and I don't know you.

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And that's what I'm going to talk about in today's podcast, because I even answer on my emails with much

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love.

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and that's something that has been alien to me all my life. But I do it now. Why do I

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do it? And how can I say I love you to a complete stranger? That's the topic of today's podcast.

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So I come from a family that didn't really say I love you. You know, we didn't hug much, and

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I don't think I've ever said I love you to my mum, even to this day. And I've been talking

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about this to some of my friends online and some people that have been following me, and I follow them

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for a long time and we've become good friends and I've said to them many times that I'm going to

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go and tell my mum I love her, and I haven't because there's some resistance there yet. On a

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podcast, I can say to you that I love you. I can reply to an email to someone I barely

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know, much love, and someone that comes on my life. I can sign off my life saying, I love you.

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Am I being genuine? Am I. Am I really loving that person? Well, we'll all have our own

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shadows and projections about love and what love is and things like that. Let me explain one thing that I've

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learned, and it's something that's given me a lot more freedom, and that is I do

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love you.

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And we've got many things in common. Let me guess. You want to be happy. You want to reduce your

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suffering. You want to have more freedom in your life. You want to be able to do more of what

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you want to do when you want to do it. You want to be healthier and you want the suffering

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of others to reduce. You want less enemies. Have I done some kind of Jedi mind trick on you? No,

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of course I haven't. The

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reason why I know these things is because you're me and I'm you.

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Your suffering is the same as my suffering. Your hopes and dreams are the same as mine. Yes, through experiences,

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we've got a little differences on what happiness means and what it means to reduce suffering and the kind of

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things we want to do.

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My happiness is not lying On a beach in another country for two weeks on a holiday once a year,

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I like to just walk along a river and just enjoy the birds and the singing. That makes me happy.

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So we have differences. We have different films we watch, we have different preferences of books and what we do

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for hobbies.

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But the fact that we want to reduce our suffering, the fact that we want to open our hearts and

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we want to feel this freedom, means we're no different. So when I say I love you, what I'm

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saying is I recognise myself in you. I recognise that your struggles, albeit they may come from a different

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place, your desires may go towards a different thing, but the suffering is the same. If

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we both. If you split up in a relationship where you lose someone, you grieve and you suffer the same

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as I do. We bleed in the same way. It doesn't matter how old we are, it doesn't matter

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what. The thing that caused us to suffer, our aspirations and all are pretty much the same.

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So yeah I I do love you. So when I say that, I mean it, because I'm looking at the

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core of the essence of the foundations of who we are. That

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individual that hasn't got all the protections of all of the thoughts and opinions and beliefs and the groups

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and the tribes and the friends it's that person that's alone, that just has the desire

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to be content and happy and have less suffering. That's

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who I love. Because I'm learning to love that person in me,

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that raw person underneath everything in me. And what's that look like? You know what that person looks

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like in me?

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It looks exactly like you. It really does.

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So if you want to understand my suffering, have a look at your own. If you want to

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understand my desires and what it means to be happy for me and how it feels. How does it feel

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for you? And that's when we start looking at each other and recognise that we're all the same.

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You know, whether you're fighting in a war for something that you believe in, or whether or not you're

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fighting uh ecological war to improve the earth, and whether you're trying to get rid of plastic or whatever

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you're doing on a daily basis,

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you're still fighting a very similar battle. When you take away what the actual beliefs and the

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desires and the outcomes, when you take away all those things, we're pretty much fighting the same thing. We want

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to achieve something. We want to have hope. We want to improve the world in some way. And

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I say this in a warped way because it doesn't fit My thinking. But

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even the person that does some of the most dreadful things believes they're improving the world. Think about that for

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a moment. I'm not saying I agree with the actions, of course I don't.

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But they are still believing they're trying to improve the world. And that's what we're all doing. So that's why

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I can look up and say, I love you. Thank you.

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Get to the core of who you are and learn to love the core of who you are. Because when

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you learn to love that,

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you'll be able to see that in everybody else. You meet everybody, even the people you don't ever meet, you

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will recognise that same core value and belief. Even on the opposite sides of the political spectrum,

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the opposite sides of the religious spectrum. You'll recognise that we aren't that much different after all.

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We all bleed. We all have the same organs inside, things like that. We all recognise that on a very

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physical sense. But we actually have the same fundamental desires and beliefs

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and griefs and pain and suffering. I guess what I'm trying to say is, in my own.

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In my own gibbering way, is that below all the opinions and beliefs,

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below the desires for objects and successes and everything like that,

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look at the fundamental core of what drives those things, and you'll recognise everybody

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else on the planet is you, and you are everybody else on the planet.

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And this is what it means by learn to love yourself. Because when you love yourself and you start to

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recognise that your suffering is part of who you are, and the. The desire to reduce that suffering is also

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part of who you are and the desire to love and be loved. When you recognise those things in everybody

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else, you see everybody else as you.

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Because everybody else is. You

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know, we just may wear different clothes, we may have different thoughts. We may have got to different places in

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different ways through different experiences in life

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But the things that hold us together. The roots of trees are the same. They

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do the same thing. They may look different, they may have different structures to them, but they're doing the same

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thing. So what Your foundational core values of who you are.

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The deeper you look, you'll realise that everybody has the same ones, but we often forget about them. We often

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judge people on their actions, we judge people on their mistakes, and we judge people on what they want to

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do to be happy. And just because it's not what you want to do to be happy, they must be

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wrong or they must be different to you. They're not different. They're just learning to be they're learning to improve

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their life in this moment. And as Carl Jung says, even the rotten potato in the basement shoots towards the

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light. You know, someone that is trying to avoid life through substances, alcohol or drugs or something like that,

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they're just trying to improve their lives. So no matter what where we are, no matter what our starting point

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is, if you take a snapshot of anybody's life right now, we all just want to be a little happier,

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or we want to have a little less suffering, or we want to have someone to understand us and listen

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to us.

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And even if you're not where that person is right now, you've probably been there. And it

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may be in different circumstances, but if you really dig deep beyond the actual what is actually going on,

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like, somebody may be using drugs to avoid life, you may use Netflix to

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avoid life. You know, on. On a judgmental thing, you could say one's worse than the other, but really they're

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the same thing. You're just trying to improve your life in that moment. What am I going to do right

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now? Well, I'm gonna have

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this drink, or I'm gonna watch Netflix. We're just trying to improve our lives right this moment. So when I

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say I love you, I love you, because you're doing the same as what I'm doing, I'm doing the same

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as what you're doing. And we are all in this together. And when we realise that we'll stop fighting, we'll

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stop making enemies out of each other, we'll stop judging each other based on the actions,

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and we'll open our hearts to each other based on who we are behind the actions of

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who we are. Fundamentally, at the core of who we are, if you sit in meditation and you go deeper

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and deeper and

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you take away the opinions and beliefs inside your mind and the thoughts and the emotions and all that, you're

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left with a deep caring. You

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know, the first thing that arises out of emptiness is a deep caring and a desire, a

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desire to improve our lives, a desire to be happier, to love more, to be loved more. If that's a

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crime, to want to be loved more, love more, or open our hearts, then everybody on earth is guilty. I'm

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really sure of that, even if it's hard to recognise it in others. Some people have built up so many

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walls and barriers, and they've done that out of fear. Well, show me a person that doesn't fear something.

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Show

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me a person that doesn't fear being hurt or fear suffering more or fear being ill or something. Like that.

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So we're all the same. We're all the same fundamentally below our

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opinions and beliefs and our stories and our egos. So that's why when I say at the end of my

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life, or when I say I love you, I

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can say that because I recognise myself in you.

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We're not separate people.

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We're just maybe slightly separate in where we are what we're desiring and the stories that we're making up in

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our minds. That's all. So that's my podcast for this week and I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope

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if it resonated with you in any way, let me know in the review or the comments. If it makes

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sense, if it makes you think that you can love a little more, you can open up. Do you recognise

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yourself in others? Just spend the next week or so just whoever you come across, see if you can

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recognise yourself in them.

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Because when you truly do, it will change your life and you will end up a lot happier.

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Because you'll end up with no enemies. You'll end up with a lot more understanding, compassion.

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It's not empathy. It's beyond empathy. It's deeper than empathy. You'll end up with understanding and compassion. And that's the

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way we improve the world. That's the way we lift the world. When

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we take away the stories and all the thoughts of desires and aversions and all those things, life just gets

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a little better. A lot better. Amazingly better. Take care guys. Head over to my website and you can download

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the five Simple Practices for Inner Peace. It's a small little book I wrote, StevenWebb.com

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and if you want to book in for a coffee with me, just a 15 minute coffee, it's completely free,

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I don't charge or anything and I've got nothing to sell. You

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just head over to my website, click on the Book of coffee and

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StevenWebb.com also I have another podcast, Inner Peace Meditations Podcast. I will

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put a link in the show notes underneath this podcast which I just upload my meditations. It's

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quite simple. It's just Inner Peace meditations. Take care guys. I love you and namaste.

About the Podcast

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Stillness in the Storms
Honest conversations about getting through hard times, from a man who has had a few. Paralysed at 18, found Zen at 40, still working it out. Around sixteen minutes, weekly.

About your host

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Steven Webb

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