Perhaps Happiness is NOT a CHOICE?

Steven Webb: 00:00:08

Since breaking my neck and ending up paralysed when I was 18, one of the main questions I get asked

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all the time is why am I so happy? Why am I always tend to be positive? Well, first of

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all, I'm not always happy. And secondly, I'm not always positive.

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I suppose the perception of someone that's severely paralysed, the perception is, well, if they were me, they would not

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be that happy and they would struggle with it. I can understand that. But I want to address the question

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of whether happiness is a choice, and whether I chose to be happy, choose the positive way.

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And that's what I'm going to talk about in today's podcast. Is happiness a choice? And

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I don't think it is. And I'm going to explain why. I'm Steven Webb, and this is Stillness in the

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Storms. And I help you to find a little inner peace when you might find it difficult to have, especially

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during difficult times. And I broke my neck at 18 years old and diving into the swimming pool. And

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since then, yes, I'm paralysed in a wheelchair. And yes, I've got other problems with my life. Things like

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I suffer from something called autonomic dysreflexia, which basically means if anything goes wrong below my level of injury,

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my blood pressure goes really high. And we're talking sometimes of like 240 over 160

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just like it's not just high a little bit, it's really high. And it's dangerous and it can lead to

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a stroke or death in about 20 30 minutes So it's a medical emergency and it needs my carers to

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deal with it. And okay, normally it's because I need to go toilet or... Got something else wrong with me.

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I'm sitting on a crease or something's really hurting me that I'm not realising because I don't feel anything. I

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don't feel anything below my, just about my nipples. That's the easiest where explaining it I don't feel my hands

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either. They're all paralysed as well. So I've got loads of other problems. It's not just I'm paralysed, but yes,

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I'm essentially quite a happy person.

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And I do toil with that question is Why am I happy and why other people aren't? And you might

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look at it and go, well, maybe when you have a serious accident and you face death like I did,

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maybe you realise the importance of life. Yeah, it could be. It could be something like that. Or maybe it's

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just that I was born this way. Maybe it's in my Dna. But then I look at my parents and

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my family, and no, they're not as positive and as happy as me. Not all the time. And would they

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be in my position? I don't know. Maybe our genes are set up that if we have a catastrophic accident,

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and maybe the genes are like, oh, we'll all realign and be happy. I don't think that's the case, but

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who knows? So really, is happiness a choice and I used to think it was. I used to think

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I chose to be happy. I wake up in the morning and I choose to be happy. And

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yes, essentially I choose to do my gratitude practice. I choose to do the positive things. I choose to try

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to find the gift in situations. Like, I don't think of an alternative to my accident through

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roast into glasses I don't think of, like... If my accident hadn't happened, I don't think I would have been

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majorly successful. I would have been rich. I would have had my dream car, dream house, dream family, picket fence,

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you know, all that. Travel the world and everything. I don't think that that would have happened. I think I

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would have probably ended up in a worse accident. I was an idiot driving the car. I was the kind

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of person that... You know, if if bones could be broke, I found a way of doing it. And I

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just happened to break the probably the worst bone in my body um so So yeah, I'd have probably made

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my life a whole lot worse. If I hadn't ended up in a wheelchair like this, my life would have

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probably been worse so One thing I don't look at my life as I've got the bum deal. I just

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have the deal I got. You know, there was no other deal on the table. It is what it is

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so That's one thing I I tend to always remember. But as I'm and older and the more I think

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about it, the more I think I don't choose anything. If

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you really think about that. The moment I choose happiness, that means I'm denying my sad times. I'm denying

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unpleasantness. I'm I'm trying to push away what I don't like. So therefore that creates a duality. I want this

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and I don't want that. And

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therefore I choose preferences. And therefore I label everything is I really don't like that and I do like this.

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I I like them. I do not like them I That's a good person to hang around with. That's a

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bad person hanging around with. That's a good opinion. That's a bad opinion. That's nice ice cream. That's terrible ice

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cream. So

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when you think of happiness is something you choose, You have to automatically have the yin yang the

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opposite to that. And yes of course it of course it's true. There's people I prefer to be with and

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there's ice cream I prefer to eat. I have preferences, of course I do. But if we can, especially during

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our everyday life, if we can just sit back and not choose anything. So imagine waking up in the morning

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and just saying, I'm not going to choose happiness today. I'm just going to choose to accept whatever happens. And

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be okay with it. And deal with whatever happens. I'm just going to be okay with and be open and

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just respond to whatever happens today. If someone has a different opinion than me I'm going to listen. If

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someone you know says something I dislike, I'm just going to be okay. And I'm not going to do anything

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with it. So I'm not going to choose to try to stay in my state of happiness.

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So imagine how that would feel if you're not trying to stay a place where you think you ought to

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be.

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See, I think a lot of people and myself, when I try to be happy, when I want to be

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happy, when I set out on a day that this is going to be this amazing day and this is

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going to be the day I'm going to be happy. This is going to day I'm going to sort out

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my life and I'm gonna well by 10 o'clock in the morning, I've already lost half of the day because

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I've gone and eaten something I shouldn't have done or I've... Not done the exercise or I haven't done my

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my morning tasks that I was going to do. So it doesn't last long, first of all. And

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I certainly don't end up in a happy, happy state. But

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I do end up feeling content, fulfilled,

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almost called unreasonable joy you could call it, when I just don't choose something for the day. Of

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course I have set out plans or what I should get done. I would like to achieve. And I tend

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to get most of those things done I I'm not too bad. I'm getting better. I have systems in place

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where I get a lot of stuff done. But I don't look at it that I've got to get it

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done. That my life will be over if I don't. You know, if I don't get a podcast out on

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Friday, I don't get a podcast out on Friday you

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know and okay life isn't like

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Depending on it. But

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the reality is, the more and more we try to choose happiness, the more and more it's really difficult because

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we're trying to deny a side that exists. It's like as if you're trying to only choose positive

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friends. You're going to deny other friends that are positive at times. When we just accept

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life for what it is, we accept this moment for what it is. Without trying to make it something

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else. Then I think we end up by default happier anyway. I think the default

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position of any human is to be happy. I don't think happiness is this place that is above and beyond

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the normal mundane. You

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know, if you're having a really, really bad day and you go to the doctors and you're diagnosed with something

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that you really don't want to be diagnosed with. You just want to get back to the mundane day when

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it was normal. That would be your current happiness based on the relative level of where you've ended up

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while at the doctors.

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So yeah, and I talk about this happiness line quite a bit and I'm sure I've done a podcast on

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the happiness line. If I haven't, I will next week. But I

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think happiness is really in the mundane and it's really in the not choosing. Don't

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get out of bed tomorrow morning and choose to be happy.

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Don't get out of bed tomorrow morning and expect your day to go a certain way. Just embrace whatever the

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day brings while keeping an eye on what you should be doing and get on with what you should be

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doing. I'm not saying sit back and just allow the world to take control of your life. Not at all.

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But I'm saying don't choose the outcome of everything. Don't decide of how things should be. So

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I don't think happiness is a choice. I think the more we try to choose happiness, the more we'll be

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disappointed. That's my thoughts for today. I may not be right. Throw them away. You know, it's only my thoughts

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at the moment. A couple of years time, hopefully I'll revisit them and I will be wrong again. You know,

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be okay with that. It's cool cool um Thank you for listening. If you can hit the sub, the subscribe

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button, it's follow on Spotify and I think it's follow on... itunes at the moment. I think they've just changed

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or they go into in the next update or something. And then you'll be notified when I drop a new

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podcast. Yeah, that'd be awesome. I'm trying to build up a thousand regular listeners. That'd be just so amazing, wouldn't

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it? And you're part of that. You'll be helping me do that. So thank you. Just hitting the sub and

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subscribing on your favourite platform and make my day. Thank you. Take care. This is Steven Webb and this is

Steven Webb: 00:10:55

Stillness in the Storms podcast. Don't forget to subscribe. I love you guys. Take care.

Steven Webb: 00:11:03

Namaste.